people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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