if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
