just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
