KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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