creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
