You're my little dorito
She said her name was "party"
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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