Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
