no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
