Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
