The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
