come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
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I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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