ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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