Little spoons don't ask big questions
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
