no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
