I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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