Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
