Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
