Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
