either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
