Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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