I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
