Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
