oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
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I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
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it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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