Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
