I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
