Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
