And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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