I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
