I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize