Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
