Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
