i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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