im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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