Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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