now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
