O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
