I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
