a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
