she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
