My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
