can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
