and you said cock pushups were impossible
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
