I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
