he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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