Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
