Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
