Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
bring money and cleavage
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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