Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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