how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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