It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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