eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
