I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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