I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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