Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
