Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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