my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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