I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Randomize
