Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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