I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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