He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
