my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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