I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
