I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
