she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
