yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just gift wrapped bread.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
