Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
