dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
