DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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