I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
