I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Randomize
